Mummy Guilt

Today's topic.

Mummy Guilt.

With everything that has happened in the last 12 months, I haven't been able to give Miss 2.5 all of my time and attention. She has been neglected when it comes to attention. Then with Miss .75, I have been so consumed with surviving emotionally for the first 6 months, that for the last 3 months I have been trying to sort out a routine for my two angels. I openly admit that I do not cope with change and being stuck between two places. Although, as I look at Miss 2.5, watching her daily 5 minutes of Peppa Pig while she holds her arm with her other hand in her mouth, butter wouldn't melt in her mouth. It is the 10 minutes that she calms and giggles along with the show (sometimes completely inappropriately). Her behaviour has become more challenging (I am sure that is part and parcel of her age) but I can't help questioning and feeling guilty for what I do or don't do for her. Its the same with Miss .75. When I first had Miss 2.5 , it was just her and I for 18 months. We could cuddle and play and "talk" and read books. As soon as I had Miss .75 that all changed. Which although I knew it would, I didn't expect the level of guilt to accompany it.

I LOVE my two girls. I wouldn't have my life any other way. I feel like I don't give them enough of me. If you asked me what do I think I should be giving them I wouldn't be able to tell you. I'm just sure that I am not doing it. I am scared. There. I said it. I don't want to fail. I don't want to screw up.

Is it a real feeling? Absolutely. Is it warranted? I don't know. Can I fix it? Not sure.

So, to combat the feeling of complete failure (and possible spontaneous combustion). I sat with the beautiful Mrs F, who has become my confidante. She listens to my crazy. She laughs at my absurd. She comfort my insecure. She shares her stories. For example she regularly listens to my ramblings and distracts me so that I had a short break from the worries of my day.

It hit me that being a school teacher I have this need to be in control (yes I know what I am admitting here) and I am so used to being organised (truly I am capable of it) that with everything being unorganised here I need to fix it. So. In an effort to change that I created a daily craft and outdoor activity routine (pictures included). It has 9 weeks worth of daily activities to do with Miss 2.5 and some outdoor play as well.

Then I felt the guilt swim in around me... I don't want to make anyone else feel guilty about what they do or don't do with their little people. The question is where does this guilt stem from?

Have we set totally unrealistic expectations on ourselves? Do others set ridiculously high expectations? Is it inherited? Is it the same for everyone?

First of all what is mummy guilt? For me it is that I compare what I am or am not doing with all the other mummy's around me. Am I playing with them enough? Are they watching too much TV? Should Miss 2.5 be toilet trained by now? Am I feeding them enough? Am I feeding them too much? Am I feeding them the right things? Do I focus on what I want to do too much? Am I giving them everything they need? Am I a good role model? Are they picking up my bad habits and the list goes on... and on.

I found some really good articles and I have been talking to Mrs F (love her) and I realised that most of all I need to forgive myself (still work in progress). That I need to accept that I will not be perfect in my eyes but I will always be perfect in Miss 2.5 and Miss .75's eyes. That if I keep worrying about these things I am missing life and the time with them.

Here are some articles/blogs on the whole mummy guilt thing:

http://www.kidsonthecoast.com.au/article/mummy-guilt

http://familysurvivalcoach.com/mummy-guilt-no-more/

http://theunperfectmummy.blogspot.com.au/2011/07/guilt-and-other-negative-emotions.html

I will forever battle the mummy guilt monster (that is who I am) but reading these and gaining not only perspective and the knowledge I am not along makes the journey a little less harrowing.

On that note. Happy Easter. Take a break. Kick your feet up and enjoy this time with your loved ones.

Keep smiling

L
xxx

The word "housewife"

The word "housewife" conjures up many images. From the reality TV series, to comedic dramas to the reality (which I can assure you is far less glamorous) perception of the role of the housewife is very much subjective.

 

So seeing as I haven't really thought about it and so many people around me are housewives... I thought I would google...

 

I found this definition on Wikipedia about housewives:

 

"A housewife is a woman whose main occupation is running or managing the family's home"

 

So I delved a little deeper... (into Wikipedia) and HOLY CRAP! Have you seen the list? I mean, I know I do all those things (most days- even though I despise housework) but to actually see it in one place... A list...

 

So this brings me to my main story. I am OCD, well maybe not clinically (I cant say I have been tested). But I am definitely a perfectionist. I sit at this little desk, with my cup of tea and homemade Choc Chip Biscuits and I try very hard not to look at the room around me... Here is why. I do not see a clean space. I see clutter. I see a HORRIBLE TERRIBLE UNORGANISED MESS! Things out of place. Rubbish. Dirty Windows. Grubby floors. Toys on the floor. Paper stacked computer height. Ironing on the table. Dirty dishes in the sink. Craft drying on the bench. Craft hanging from curtain rails. Chairs not pushed under the table. The list goes on... AND on. I haven't even left the kitchen/lounge/dining room yet. The bedroom is a whole other story. Horror one at that.

 

So I am guessing that right now it would be safe to assume that you are imagining an episode of Hoarders: Buried Alive, right?

Here is the reality:

 

I have excuses for the Chinese Laundry. I have a landlord who believes that even with two children, his wife doesn't need a clothesline, so neither do I. It makes me laugh. This is a 7 star energy efficient home (ie no air con, no fans, minimal lighting) but they cannot put in a clothes line. Really?

 

Digressing slightly. So you may be looking at these photos and thinking "what is Lauren ON?" Nothing good I promise. I just look at this house and feel ill. I still haven't settled properly. I still look at these photos and think "OMG, how embarrassing. If you turned up on my doorstep I would be forever apologising for the mess.

 

SO, as a result of this I feel like I am not a good housewife. Why? Pfft! If I knew I would fix it. Some days (the hot ones- just reminding you I have no air con or fans) I feel like a smelly, sticky slob and housework is the last thing that I can bring myself to do. If I wake up early, go for a walk etc, I feel motivated and voila. The house becomes tidy (although the cupboards leave a little to be desired).

 

So, I have decided that my walking (or lack of the last two weeks) is not helping my motivation machine and feeling totally disorganised is not doing me any favours. SO! I have turned to my trusty friend... The Organised Housewife...

 

Katrina, is amazing! She is Australian (so she has that beautiful Aussie sense of humour) and she is just like every other housewife out there. She has this ability to make you feel motivated and encouraged. She has printables for just about everything and just as a side not if she does her 20 days to organise and clean your home challenge, DO IT. It is so easy and achievable- whether you are a housewife or working mummy- or even just a secret domestic goddess wannabe... I subscribed and everyday at roughly 6am I get an email, with a task for the day and some links to some fabulous sites.

 

Digressing again. So, because I have this need to be a Stepford Wife (yes I know...) I have decided that I am setting myself a challenge. I will be creating a Domestic Haven (seeing as on a side note we missed out on the house- bloody property valuations) and I will be stuck in this place until at least Nov. unless I can get the little beach side property up the road... I will post befores and afters for you all and hope that you enjoy (all projects completed on my broke ass budget)... In the meantime I still have some little projects underway (OMG you should see my list of things I want to do). Maybe in another post...

 

I hope to give you all another update in the next day or so BUT if for some reason I become sidetracked (quite possible) HAPPY EASTER to you all and sending lots of bunny kisses to your families (including the furry kind). Enjoy!

 

Keep smiling.

 

L

xxx

 

 

 



Beautiful Buffets

Helloooooo!

I am back. Inspired and ready to unleash my energy and motivation on the creative world. :-)

I love sewing, up cycling and craft of all shapes and sizes and since moving here I am without a sewing machine and over locker (they became my extra limb) I have been a little lost. Introducing... Up cycling. True to my star sign and all those stereotypes. I have two sides. Not as in Jekyll and Hyde. Rather I am someone who is all or nothing. B is the same. So you can imagine when two Gemini's are married to each other, really there are four people in the relationship.

I am the sort of person to give a 1000% and then fall off the bandwagon in a gigantic heap (explains my fluctuating waistline). Included in this is my craft/sewing/DIY. There were a few weeks when you could not have pried me from my DIY (unless you were a screaming 8mth old or destructive 2yr old). Then I fell into the big heap and lost the motivation to create (I am using the lack of undercoat as an excuse). However, before I had my big motivation meltdown I was able to complete the most GORGEOUS (and my most daring) DIY. The retro buffet.

When I bought the buffet (thank you eBay), I was MEGA excited. I could see the potential and all the different ways that I could complete it were swimming through my head. Hmm. Now to decide on just one. Pfft. ONE! Yeah right. I was going to mesh all my ideas into one. It was either going to be one triumphant piece or one massive disaster. My mother and her friend J (who is so gorgeously honest) were baffled that I was in love with the things that they grew up with (and by the subtle hinting they weren't fans of these items). These are two women who have the most impeccable taste in antiques (pfft antique smantique- I'm penny pinching remember). Trying to be "spending savvy" as I like to tell B. Anyhoo. I found this buffet and although there was no lead lighting and the door latches were not the same and it was painted... It took me back to my childhood, where my gorgeous Aunty, used to have a 'similar' buffet in the kitchen of her holiday house where she used it as a pantry. AND if I am to go even further back where the same aunty had a gorgeous meat safe (you know the ones with the mesh panelling down the side) in her house and as a child under ten I used to sit next to it to peek at the delectable treats that she had stored in there. In case you haven't gathered, I come from a family of domestic goddesses. Admittedly unlike Nigella Lawson they don't sneak to the fridge in a satin gown, but people. The women in this family CAN COOK. Some of the "Goddard grand kids" have also inherited the love of all this "Goddard" (even if they don't wish to admit it) cooking. (I really do have the most amazingly talented and creative and mechanical family- another blog hey).

Again I digress.

This buffet... It caught my eye the moment the gorgeous owner posted it for sale. Unlike some of my previous eBay purchases I won this one (clearly).

 

 

 

Now. Anyone that knows me well. Knows that I love the colour pink. I think it is feminine and pretty and I find it calming. HOWEVER. I wasn't sure that this was going to suit my beach theme decor and my new found obsession with turquoise. So. It was going to have to go.

 

I started by removing the doors and drawers and cleaning this baby. It had been beautifully taken care of and had just gathered dust in storage.

 

 

Then I made the next decision. Rather than use the noisy sander (I figured it would take me hours). I used the paint stripper. I STILL HATE IT. But it wasn't as bad as when I used it on the table. For some reason it was easier on the straight flat lines of the buffet but it hated the turned legs of the table (that's ok I have learnt)

 

 

 

 

As you can see, it stripped back the 30+ years perfectly (Especially the old school beige). At this point despite it actually stripping back really well I decided to give it a sand back just to ensure that all surfaces were smooth before I slapped on the paint. Now because the acrylic paint (USA Antique White) I had been using was perfect and so easy to apply etc. I decided that I would continue to use it. The real challenge was picking the right blue. Now when I went to Bunnings (with two screaming children) I thought that I had the right blue. I had ensured it tied in with all the blue accents in my house and then when I was painting (see pic below) I began to feel the tight warm feeling of panic (OMG IT ISN'T RIGHT). I had to walk away and have a POT of tea to calm my nerves and gather perspective. I had been running around with the paint swatch for days checking and rechecking. So I thought bugger it. I am going to continue and see where it takes me...

 

 

 

Now I am not going to lie... It was blue. I mean really blue. My heart sank. So I rang my #1 go to person. Mum. She told me to not panic. So I sent her pictures so she could understand my panic. She remained calm and told me to take the paint of the hinges (clever lady) and put things into the buffet. If it still looked too blue then I could reevaluate. So I began to find all the beautiful pieces I wanted in the cabinet...

 

 

Ah! That was better. It looked less like Isabella had gotten her Crayola Blue onto it.

 

The weekend after I had completed this beautiful piece we were going to Ikea. YAY! I knew that I needed a big picture or something for that bottom centre shelf... Hmm. Now when I got the decorator section of Ikea the girls were being good but it was my darling husband who was having the meltdown. He wanted out and was trying to rush me and make quick decisions for me so he could get out of the "one way sheep maze" (funnily enough, it isn't one way). I found this pitcher and I thought. Well it cant hurt to try. So I loaded it up and we continued on our merry way (side note- B has a 6 month release from all things Ikea. After 6 months he WILL be coming for another shop. Unbeknown to him I have a big Brisbane shopping trip planned. ;-) Ikea is just one of the stops on the way.

 

Now my buffet was never going to be complete without STUNNING handles so I found these gorgeous beauties on eBay for $7.00 (free postage)

 

 

Drum roll... TA DA!!!!

 

Here is my final masterpiece. I think that in the end the blue was perfect. I am not going to deny that there was a few moments there I truly believed that it was not right but am so thrilled that I took my mothers advice and kept going.

 

Hope that you all love (even though I know that it wont be some people's cup of tea) and I have some more gorgeous DIY to share soon.

 

Keep smiling

xx

Divine Dining

I have been a little neglectful of my blog. Not for any other reason than hotspotting my phone so that I can use my computer sucks the life out of my data package through my carrier. Bring on the phone connection that has taken 2 months to get into place...

 

So I have decided to share another one of my projects with you. I am having a little bit of a dry spell regarding my projects but I have a couple of big ones up my sleeve, that I cant wait to get my little paws on and then share with you when complete.

 

I am sharing my dining table project with you today. When we left WA we sold nearly everything. Thank goodness we had the forethought to keep the mattresses, a lounge and a fridge. We intended to buy up a treat at Ikea when we got here but whilst I LOVE Ikea, I had a change of style and inspiration (and penny pinching) and decided that I LOVE recreating and breathing new life into old furniture. Now. It doesnt need to be antique old (although I love some of those antique pieces) but preloved is definitely the key.

 

Now I had been on the hunt for a dining table for us for a few weeks prior to the move. I have a new found obsession with Pinterest and Ebay so scoured both sites not only for inspiration but for that perfect piece. Then it happened. I found it. A divine dining table with 6 chairs, already upcycled for my relaxing pleasure... so I happily bid on it and kept an eye on it for days. SWEET! Noone else had bid on it and I was heading into the final few minutes. Now because I have no self control, B had put me on a price limit and I had put that into Ebay as my maximum bid, knowing it would only get to that if someone else was willing to pay the same. (side note- all of this was happening while I had received the news that the rental we were in needed the tiles and concrete ripped up in the kitchen to assess a broken pipe, and that we needed to be relocated for the duration). Now back to my story. I was counting down the minutes until this gorgeous table was mine... Then it happened. Someone put in a bid greater than mine! In the last 30 seconds. I was frantically trying to decide and get B to agree to a price increase, he wouldnt have a bar of it. OH NO!!!! It sold. To someone else. I was devastated. DAMN YOU SNEAKY BIDDER! So I huffed and puffed around the holiday house while B continued to play on his phone. Did he not understand the significance of this. I lost the table. Ugh he frustrates me sometimes... He called out to me and showed me this table he had found. On FB. He asked if it was similar and I grumpily said yes it was similar but to get what I wanted it would take time and lots of paint and if he'd just let me get the other one I wouldn't have to worry about finding one again. He announces (very proudly may I add) that he has bought the table on FB. WHAT????

 



After a long discussion with the seller of the table (who might I add, was completely fabulous) I stareted to get excited about the table. Yay! I had a dining table. Now to plan the next bit. What was I going to do? Did I keep her fabulous silver legs and have fun with the top or did I keep it in line with all the other pieces I had done or was about to do? Hmm! After hours and hours of contemplation and planning I decided to have a crack at "Laurening" it.

I sanded the top back to the beautiful raw timber. My favourite bit of this was that I couldnt sand back all of the white undercoat that had been on it so I was left with this GORGEOUS industrial, beach speckle. I LOVED it. Now the bit that I didn't love was the legs. Because there were so many layers on the legs I decided that sanding would, a. be time consuming and b. ruin the curves of the turned legs. So I had a crack with Paint Stripper. Now just for the record. I HATE paint stripper. I can see its usefulness on big pieces of furniture but fiddly pieces like what I was playing with was painful and frustrating.

 

Next I got out my trusty undercoat (I used the spray can undercoat) you can get it at any hardware store and I sprayed the underside of the table and the legs. While I waited for that to dry I carefully turned over the table and I sprayed the top of the table in the clear acrylic that I had (may I add that whilst I loved the sheer nature of the clear acrylic for the tabletop, remember it is a table top and you will want it to be durable so if I were ever to do again I would use a clear wood varnish- I may still use it yet). Can I add another side note- I did do all spraying and painting on the back lawn on the supersize tarp hubby bought and recommend the same. It allows for any overspray and with aerosol cans you dont want to be in an enclosed space...

Once all the paints and undercoats dried I applied another coat and waited for that to dry. Fortunately (despite recent weather to the contrary) I didnt have to wait very long before everything was dried. I got the pleasure of re attaching the legs and setting up my dining table. I think I have THE most divine dining table (and I have some friends and family that agree) and it is even more special because I got to play a part in its current state. So drumroll please...

 

 

TA DA!!!! One gorgeous table (or so I think). I just have to do the chairs now. I am tossing up between painting them 1. all white, 2. white with timber seats or 3. blue. See here is my inspiration. The VERY talented Lindsey showcases all the best of befores and afters http://www.betterafter.net/2012/01/accord-at-vinnord.html

 

 

Now focussing back on my pictures of the table. See that little buffet in the background. Do you see it? That was my next project and will be the one I feature next. Just wait until you see the after... Anyone would think that being a girl who LOVES pink I would keep it as it was. NOPE! Just you wait and see... VERY EXCITING!!!!

 

Signing off as I listen to the birds in the trees, the sea breeze cutting through the open windows and the sun shining (thank goodness).

 

Keep smiling

xxx