I have been on hiatus. Between morning sickness, terrible twos, housework, visitors and my neighbours things in my household have been manic. My self journey has been... well, challenging.
I have had "epiphanies" and self discoveries and have found that it is much easier to have these than actually continue to follow them through. especially when my general nature is passive. I seem to be a target for some people, and others just don't have time for me, but I do feel that, that is their issue not mine. It doesn't mean that statements don't hurt, that I am not affected by others actions but it does mean that I have the power to "let it go".
In case you missed the neon sign in the fist paragraph, B and I are expecting Baby #3. Miss 1 and Miss 2.75 are still a little young to understand what is going on but I know Miss 2.75 is clued in enough to work it out. Some people in our lives have expressed disapproval, some have simply claimed that we are crazy and others have been genuinely thrilled for us. Certainly when someone at the shops or in the street sees my growing belly you get "wow, you'll have your hands full" or "you must be crazy". My first response is "I am really clever cos the nappies will be over with sooner". We find the judgement hard to swallow, because we always wanted our children aged close together. Although a little sooner than we had thought it would happen we are still very excited. I guess that it is a shame that others get caught up in their issues and cannot see beyond what is socially deemed practical and see that this is a little baby, another little family member and someone that we want and will love just as much as our girls. As you can gather this (and one other issue) is what I have been struggling to push through during my journey. How do you not feel hurt that someone thinks your pregnancy is a negative thing or shrouded in social stigma that you are "common".
The other part of my journey has been the targeted attack of some people nearby who have been trying to get us in trouble. I have two beautiful, active, happy and energetic children, who play together well, who enjoy being outside. Others don't feel that way about them and I am concerned for their well being and mine as I warm my back in the sun with my cup of tea. To be told that you need to change your family, yes even children under 3, it feels like a judgement on your parenting skills. If this had only been a once off event, then I would be saying "they need to get over themselves". The problem is that now it has occurred again and despite their behaviours (which I can assure you are less that acceptable), it is my family who are being put on trial. I live in a state where most of the time the sun is beaming and the backyard is calling their name. I'm not going to put my children in front of a television for the benefit of someone I don't know.
I knew when I undertook this journey that it would be slow and I would be faced with setbacks, but to be honest I didn't expect to have such lows. I found that I was getting caught up in other people's drama, that I was being disappointed by people, that I was being affected negatively emotionally by other people. May I add here, that I used to enjoy Facebook, because I used to be able to keep up with others movements and adventures, when otherwise life was busy. Then something changed, people stopped using it for keeping in touch, it became the primary source of communication. Instead of picking up their phone to contact you, they post a photo or comment to cover telling everyone. To be honest, I have felt angry for some time now that the only time I heard from people was via Facebook. So I decided that I was going to remove myself from something that created such angst. I was better than this. That if people really cared about me they would contact me otherwise. Needless to say a week on, no one has noticed.
I have been busy with furniture up cycling as well , I promise I will post about these soon, and after possibly wearing out Bryan's sander, I may have to do things the "hard" way, which I am sure will only make things more interesting for you.
If I haven't bored you to sleep, I hope to bring you some furniture re do'e soon.
Keep smiling
Lauren
xxx
